Marshaun Olaniyan | Life & Relationship Strategist
Is there such a thing as a soulmate?
How would you know if you are with him or her now?
Could it be possible that you let that person slip away from you?
These types of questions can plague you throughout your lifetime. If you are not careful with whom you ask or share your thoughts about this topic you could end up believing your soulmate is not out there or is in a relationship with someone else.
Have you ever heard a woman constantly talking about a guy who is taken, that guy she let get away. Now she’s having the hardest time moving on and giving another man a real chance at winning her heart? This is a classic case of her believing that guy, her ex, was her soulmate.
Let’s define soulmate. According to dictionary.com a soulmate is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or a romantic partner. If we go by this definition then there is such a thing as a soulmate. Your partner could be the soulmate you never knew you already had.
Let’s discuss 5 ways to determine if you are with your soulmate, so he or she never slips away.
- Are you completely happy and content with your relationship and spouse most times?
This question can help determine if you are just settling for that person you are in a relationship with. How much laughter is heard within your relationship? How often do you two have fun together? When was the last time you did something special for him or her? Can you two talk about anything no matter how big or small without feeling guilt, shame or being misunderstood? Do you feel heard by your spouse?
These questions can help you analyze your relationship and the way you feel about yourself while in the relationship.
- Does he/she encourage you?
When you go share some wonderful news with your spouse, how is it received? When you’re not sure which direction would be best for you can you ask your spouse for guidance knowing he or she has your best interest at heart? Who do you immediately call to share your great news with? Is it your spouse or someone else? Do you hear more words of praise such as “you’ve got this” or “go get that new account” or anything that tells you your spouse wants to see you succeed? Do you feel you constantly have to prove yourself before the belief is there regarding your abilities?
If you feel anything less than words of encouragement from your spouse even when he or she doesn’t believe in you, you have to keep going. You have to continue to prove this to yourself. It is your vision not anyone else’s.
I had a client who went through this very thing for years. He is an entrepreneur at heart and hated working for other people. He had a 9-5 but often found himself daydreaming about his own company and what his life would look like. He shared his vision with his wife who automatically started asking questions like, what about insurance, how will we survive, I don’t think it’s a good idea, no, keep your job and a ton of other negative statements.
My client decided he would pursue his dreams anyway. This put a ton of stress on their marriage for 2-4 years. However, before this timeframe was completed, the husband did start getting contracts and some income started to flow into the home. It wasn’t enough to cover the loss of wages from his 9-5 but he felt even more confident and determined to see his dreams come true. The more he believed in himself and his ability, the more he approached new business opportunities. The better he became at his craft the more valuable he became to the marketplace. The more valuable he became to the marketplace the more money flowed into his home. Moving into the present day, he and his wife are very happy and she never brings up the uncertainty from the past. She now encourages him to follow his dreams and goals when he discusses these things with her.
Again you have to follow your heart, your dreams, and your goals. If you continue to pursue them then your spouse will believe in you, your abilities, and trust you even more. This I know first hand.
- How often does he/she support you?
Having someone support your thoughts, dreams and goals makes a big difference in the outcome of your life. Let’s take the couple from above, there were many times my client did not feel supported. They had plenty of fights behind him walking away from that job. Also, many businesses do not make it past the first year in business due to their spouse not supporting them and the constant fights that follow along with the stress of building your own company.
Being supported can be a determining factor if you thrive or fail. Feeling like your spouse has your back in the good times and bad times is when you really can tell if he or she understands you. Also, look for and determine if he or she shows support in other areas in your life, or is it only this one area that he or she does not show support? This can help you understand that your spouse does have your back most times. You also can have the conversation to see why your spouse is so nervous about you pursuing your dreams. Ask questions to get their ‘why’ of him or her being uncertain. What will this do to him or her? Why does he or she feel the way they feel? Try to get to the root cause of their feelings. Look for ways to get him or her to believe in and support you.
- Do you feel accepted by him/her without trying to change for him/her?
Feeling accepted is an essential piece to the puzzle and feeling as though you have met and are currently with your soulmate. How often has your partner wanted you to change something about yourself? This isn’t an instant bad thing as long as he or she isn’t asking you to violate what your fundamental beliefs are. Has the request been to say please and thank you or more along the lines of not speaking up, going along with his or her program, being disrespected, or changing your beliefs in God? These two things are very different. Making requests such as asking you to say please and thank you is for the betterment of the relationship. It brings about a sense of respect as well as a pleasing aspect. Asking someone to change their fundamental beliefs is a whole new ball game. This is a violation of who he or she is, what they believe in, and how they became the person they are up until this very moment. These core beliefs are deeply buried assumptions that guide each of our behaviors.
- How safe do you feel letting down your guard in his/her company?
Letting down your guard should feel really natural when you are around your potential soulmate. You should not feel any judgment or fear of how he or she will react after opening up about a particular topic. Being able to open up and share your deepest darkest secret(s) and feel loved, honored and that feeling of being in this thing with that person makes all the difference in how close you feel with your partner. If you often feel you have to hide or share your innermost thoughts with someone outside your partner, it may be time to re-evaluate if this person is your soulmate. Your soulmate will give you the feeling that you can share anything no matter if they believe in it, want to have the conversation or not. He or she will respect and honor you in that moment and allow you to speak your truth without the constant fear and thoughts that he or she is being judged or looked at in a different manner. Letting down your guard, feeling like you’re able to speak freely, and be your authentic self is the greatest sign that you are with your soulmate.
In conclusion, you are with your soulmate if you can open up and be yourself, have a conversation about anything, and feel the love he or she has for you even without a word being uttered. You feel honored, respected, and can feel that he or she wants to best not only for you but for the relationship as well. Your souls will continue to bring out the beat in you and you in him or her.
If you need further assistance to ensure you continue to learn more and more about your soulmate, check out my journal UNDERSTANDING YOUR SPOUSE DEEPER. In this journal, you and your spouse answer in-depth questions, discuss the answers and get to know one another on a much deeper level. After you two finish this journal by answering one question daily, you two will appreciate one another, even more, see one another through new eyes, and feel more connected than ever before. Check it out here: https://amzn.to/3gkrWuY
If you want to go even deeper into yourself or into your relationship send me an email at email@example.com.
All the Best!